As I write today, I have 2 weeks left in my country. 2 more weeks of exploration. 2 more weeks of aggravating my palette with new and exciting tastes. 2 more weeks of finding myself and what I believe in. 2 more weeks of cherishing moments with my host family. 2 more weeks of speaking my newly-acquired language on a daily basis... I could go on forever. The past week and most likely the next 2 weeks have been/will be the most painful and difficult 3 weeks of my exchange. I am a complete emotional wreck; I've never quite felt like this before. This blended concoction of satisfaction, confusion, pure bliss, anxiety, love, and sadness that I am feeling perfectly captures my feelings throughout this past year. There is no one single word to explain how exchange students feel during these critical, last few weeks or throughout the entirety of their year abroad. One thing is certain: my life is about to be turned upside down once again in just 2 weeks.
What I may be most confused about is how I will easily integrate back into a life not completely obsessed with exchange. For the past three years my life consisted of connection with past, present, and future exchange students. I would listen to music, close my eyes, and daydream about my daily adventures while on exchange. These dreams kept me going. They kept me occupied. They gave me a purpose and a will to keep pushing so hard with my academics. When I finally received the YES Abroad scholarship 2 years later, I was over the moon. I have lived and continue to live the daydreams that I once had... they've come true. What will my life be consumed with now that my exchange will be just a memory? It really is frightening to me. What I do know is that when I wake up every day and have the privilege of connecting with people from all over the world with just a few taps of my thumb, everything was 100% worth it, and everything will be okay.
Many non-exchange students may be thinking: "But Brandon... you just spent a year on vacation in Thailand. It must have been so fun! What was difficult about it? Why will returning home be so hard?" My Instagram, Facebook, & Twitter really only show one side of my life here. As exchange students, we're obligated to project our positive experiences on social media, not the negative. There is enough negativity on social media these days, and my mission is to try to uplift someone's day, make them smile, and inspire them through what I post. I'm incredibly proud and humbled that so many people now look up to me and tell me that on a daily basis. However, it must be understood that my life here is not everything you see on social media. I'm not riding elephants everyday or marveling over the Bangkok skyline all the time. Many days are so frustrating that you just want to get away, and that's when irrational judgements and stupid mistakes get made. Sometimes, somebody makes a rude comment about your appearance and it sours your entire day. Other days, you feel so alone that all you can do is sob yourself to sleep to the blissful sounds of Lana Del Rey. What you see online stands a small representation of who I am and what I do. As much as the positive experiences shape my life, so do the negative experiences. I learn from all of my experiences, and I wouldn't be where I am today without them.
These next 2 weeks, I am determined to truly live it up as much as I can. No street food vendor will be shunned, and no pair of elephant will remain unpurchased. 2 weeks may seem like a short time, but for exchange students, it's an eternity.
Until next time,
Brandon
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