Saturday, October 31, 2015

Exchange Never Ends

     My life has carried on for almost 6 months following my return to the United States, but I continue to struggle with post-exchange reintegration and blues.

     A lot has happened in my life since May 15th, 2015. I graduated, moved to Chicago, and began college at Loyola University Chicago (Go Ramblers!). I'm majoring in Political Science and International Studies on the Pre-Law track. I'm still debating about a possible third major or a couple of minors; there's almost too many interesting subjects to even make a choice! My mind is ever-expanding from all of the flooding knowledge, and opportunities for my life both personally and professionally are popping up all around me. Countless new friends have entered my life and I've made several close relationships. Life seems to be going a million miles an hour (kind of like exchange). And, any time I feel like I need a break from college life, I remind myself of how lucky I am to be attending university in such a magnificent city with the support that I have. Not everyone has what I have; that's a sentiment I wholeheartedly learned while living abroad. 

     I think about Thailand every day. The experience as a whole affects almost every aspect of my daily life. It's 100% true that regardless of how one's exchange went, a little (or large) piece of that culture will forever become grafted into you. It's incredibly difficult when nobody around actually understands how impactful living abroad was to you. Looking back, I've never felt happier than as an exchange student. It wasn't because of lack of obligation, the immense freedom and carefreelessness I possessed, or the exhilaration of living in a foreign country. My great uncomfortability was the greatest factor in my overall happiness, ironically. Believe me, it was an interesting paradox to me as well when I realized it. Living life almost entirely out of my pre-exchange comfort zone made life itself incredibly interesting! Outside of my comfort zone was the place in which I learned the most Thai, ate the strangest things for the first time, gained the most cultural knowledge, and fostered the strongest relationships with my family and friends. While abroad, I was thrown into new experiences whether I wanted to be or not. Although I didn't appreciate the uncomfortability then, I definitely do now. 

     College is the place where you learn to establish that "uncomfortability" on your own. I have struggled with that a bit, as do many other students, and now I'm recognizing what I need to do to experience an even better college career. It's far too easy to fall into routine in college and forget that life exists outside of your 12x14 dorm room. It's also far too easy to become so entrenched in college life that you forget life exists outside if your campus/city. It's also possible to experience both of those at the same time, even in the same day.

     I recognize that there remains so much that I want to achieve in life, many things in which I can begin working on today. I have the tools to achieve my goals, so what's stopping me? It remains a challenge to me to remember that my exchange is over... it's now a memory. I continue to crave that "carefree" life that comes with living in a foreign country, but that's not my reality anymore. Many times, as this reminder rolls through my head, I become quite confused and upset. But, I'm almost at that point where I can finally let go of the irrationality and truly utilize the tools my exchange gave me to lead the life I want to live. 

     There's a lot of life to live, and living in Chicago has really shown me that just as much as living in Thailand showed me. Work hard to chase your dreams, and work even harder at the obstructions that are blocking you from achieving your dreams. 

Until next time,
Brandon 

     

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